We and Us

By Maha O. - 6/8/25

We are Muslim on my father’s side. When I was a teenager my father was very open and willing to educate me, however, he did not force me. It was not obligated. He was just like, "This is the religion. This is the culture.” When I was a little bit older, I took on my own decision to start wearing hijab. I did that until 2011, and then I took it off due to pressure from my relationship at the time and also because it was no longer a part of my journey. It was just the continued islamophobia, and xenophobia from not just the LGBTQ community, but the community in general. My father's side of the family doesn’t believe that it's an obligation. However, I fully support other women and their choice to wear hijab or niqab or burqa. It's their choice. And I know that a lot of non-Muslim women don't understand it, but part of feminism is supporting a woman's right to choose how she dresses. And if a woman feels empowered to cover herself when she dresses, then that's her choice. I can understand that because a lot of times, a woman out in society is very overly sexualized, no matter what she wears. When you cover, you are telling people out in society, "You need to look at me as a person; for who I am and my other qualities other than my physical appearance.” That is one aspect of taking control of their body. I also support if a woman chooses to not cover and she's like, "This is my body, and I can walk around and whatever I want, and you still cannot sexualize." In Islam, it tells men specifically to lower their gaze no matter what a woman is wearing.

I'm older now, and at this point, it's no longer my job or responsibility to educate you. I've been doing this since I was a teenager, and it's exhausting. Especially after 9/11, it's tiring, it's emotionally draining, it's psychologically exhausting, and it's every day. It's like being a constant parent to children that never want to learn. We have been in the age where resources are available to everyone, and at some point, you choose to remain uneducated and ignorant. It is nobody's fault where they grew up here in America. You're born where you're born, you grow up in the environment where you grew up, however, at some point, you legitimately choose to remain ignorant and uneducated. My wife is a born and raised Michigander. She grew up in a majority white area, however, she chose to educate herself in a variety of ways, and I have to say that I was very surprised by the vast amount of knowledge that she had regarding many issues including culture and language. I did not have to explain certain things to her when we first met, and I found that valuable and comforting. It made our relationship easier.

I learned, two years ago. that the Irish were in fact colonized people that had everything taken away from them. The Irish people were being discriminated against. It was a resistance. I remember my wife telling me, "Yeah, my family was part of the IRA." And I was like, "Oh my god, you guys are fucking terrorists!" And she looked at me and she's like, "Hello,  you're Middle Eastern, so the fuck are you calling me a terrorist?" I watched actual documentaries and read some books and I asked my other friend, Shannon, who went through her own decolonization and returned to her own Irish roots. I understood that I needed to educate myself.

If you listen to the non-white people in your LGBTQ community, you will find that we have a much closer bond with each other, because a majority of us come from a culture that is we and us instead of me and I. An American dentist asked me in the interview if it was hygienic to wear hijab. I looked at him and I said, "How could it not be? Don't we wear proper PPE when we're with a patient, especially since this is an oral surgeon environment?" and he just looked at me and he said, "I never thought of it that way."

And I looked at him and I said, "Doctor, how could you get through your entire academic career and never question that?'" I went back to the dentist that I was working for full time. He was absolutely offended for me. It was like a week later and we started to get new Muslim families coming in. I didn't understand what was going on. He’d actually called several other dentists and let them know about my experience. I asked the doctor and he said, "Oh yeah, I told everybody, because if he's going to discriminate against you, he's going to discriminate against patients and also against me because I'm an immigrant, too." 

At some point, the LGBTQ community needs to take into consideration the need for inclusivity in activism. You cannot pick and choose who is worthy of advocating for because the moment you do that, you are deciding who is human. A lot of people in the LGBTQ community say that they are for liberation, and over the years, they have said that the first pride was a riot and that we should resist, however, when it comes to actual activism, they tend to actually center themselves, and criticize non-white communities for their forms of resistance.

They don't realize that other forms of resistance are sometimes the only way. Both sides of my family were forced to come here to escape fascist regimes. There were people in Portugal that were still immigrating here into the early '90s that were escaping the Salazar regime. The older generation still refuses to talk about it. Some of my family on my dad's side is no longer alive due to the Bosnian genocide. Some of my family is no longer alive due to the invasion of Kuwait. And so, when we talk about resistance and fighting to overthrow fascist regimes, sometimes nonviolence is not an option. People are allowed to resist occupation and resist fascism. When people are promoting nonviolence, especially in my communities and LGBTQ communities, they are not looking at the full scope and history of my community. They also need to look at their own history because white people can be colonized, too. 

Being part of the LGBTQ community again, does not allow you to be bigoted or racist, and because now, all of a sudden you are jumping on the bandwagon of one aspect of activism, does not mean you are not allowed to be held accountable for your previous actions. If somebody, especially within the LGBTQ community, is excluding people no matter the ethnicity or religion, this is hate. I was a victim of a hate crime when I was a child, and it was three people. I advocate that hate crimes against any community is dangerus to all marginalized communities. They are a danger to society and if this ideology continues to be spread it turns into mob mentality.  Even if the LGBTQ community does not understand the Muslim community they can still advocate for them.